


Step Brothers

by connormurphyys



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Gay, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, Other, Possible smut, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, Tree Bros, and they smoke weed together, connor and michael get close, evan comes out as gay, i have no clue, meremy hell, sad babys, self harm mention, things get better though I promise., to connor first tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-01 13:23:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11487270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/connormurphyys/pseuds/connormurphyys
Summary: Jeremy Heere is faced with the toughest task of his highschool career. A step brother. Not to mention he is kind of weird.





	1. Evan Hansen: Next door neigbor

The cold air blowing from the window unit in his room caused raised bumps to appear all over Jeremy Heere’s arms. He was already a lanky twig with no real fat on him. It had always been that way, since he was little. There was a beeping noise that woke him. It was sunny but still definitely too early for him to be awake on a Saturday morning. The sun was in his eyes and he managed to grasp the nearest pillow, pulling it over his eyes and groaning loudly, “Jesus Christ..”

His phone was ringing the Tetris theme. Michael. Michael was never awake this early. Jeremy barely got the phone pressed to his ear, “Have you looked out your fucking window this morning?!-“

“Michael, Michael, it’s like 7 am. On a SATURDAY. Why are you asking me if I’ve looked out the window?”

He reluctantly stood and gripped his headboard, still getting used to using his legs after being asleep for god knows how many hours. When he peeled back the curtains he saw it, a U haul in the driveway directly next to his window. It pointed to the room above the garage next door. When he looked into the window he saw a kid, well, someone his age standing there looking back at him. He had a cast on his arm and was wearing a stupid striped polo. Their eye contact broke quickly and Jeremy let the curtain shut.  
“Okay? Someone’s moving in next door, and there’s some weird kid with a broken arm,” he let his hand run down his face and he yawned, “what is so interesting about that?”

Jeremy could practically feel Michael roll his eyes, “Because, Jere’, this means it’s a kid who hasn’t been effected by all the assholes at our school! He could be totally awesome! Maybe he could beat the shit out of Jared Kleinman for you? Or Rich!”

Jeremy shook his head, “No, he has a broken arm Michael, he isn’t kicking anyone’s ass.”

“It could be because he beat the shit out of someone! Have you ever thought of that Jere’ Bear?”

“It definitely isn’t that. He’s wearing a polo Michael,”

Michael laughed on the other line, loud and obnoxious. He was definitely high, “Alright, it will still be worth it to talk to him. Well, go back to sleep, Jere,”

“I can’t go back to sleep now, can I just come over?” Jeremy held the phone between his shoulder and his ear as he slipped on his jeans over his boxers. He wiggled and jumped a little bit to help get them above his hips and zipped them.

“Yeah, let’s get stoned?” Michael said as more of a question and he coughed a few times.  
Jeremy laughed, “Yeah, sure, I’ll be over in like ten minutes.”

He hit the end call button on his phone and tossed it on the bed before searching through his drawers to grab a t shirt that had a geometric design on it. He grabbed his cardigan knowing that if he would be getting high in Michaels room, the basement, he would freeze his ass off. He grabbed his phone back off the bed and walked out his room.  
When he ran to the bottom floor of the house he saw his dad standing at the front door holding it open and talking to someone, “I’m Heidi Hansen, I just moved in next door with my son Evan.”

Jeremy blocked the rest out as he walked towards the kitchen when he swore he could see her cover her mouth and blush, ew. He grabbed the orange juice from the fridge and drank it straight from the bottle before putting it back. He then walked to the front door hoping it would be safe to escape, yet, they were still there talking and laughing.

“Oh, Heidi, this is my son! Jeremy! I’m surprised he is awake so early! Son, come say hello to our new neighbor, Heidi Hansen.” His Dad exclaimed and pulled him to the door.

“Uh, h-hi. I’m J-Jeremy.” He said and mentally slapped himself. His dad had already told her that.

She laughed a bit, “You look about the same age as my son Evan!”

He didn’t really know what else to say so he just looked up at his dad, “I’m going to Michaels and I’ll probably stay tonight.”

Kim didn’t really pay much attention to Jeremy until it was like a lightbulb went off in his head, “Why don’t you take Evan to meet Michael? I can help Heidi get situated and move some things around.”

That sounds like a great fucking idea dad.

“Sure! Of course! I’m sure Michael would love to meet him!” he feigned the happiness and it was like because god hated him, Evan was walking up the sidewalk.

“Evan! Dear! This is Jeremy, he is going to take you to meet one of the kids down the street! His friend Michael!” Heidi seemed over the top for someone who was moving and had a teenage boy. Not to mention she looked like she had been tired out by several late nights at work.

“H-Hi I’m Evan.” The boy waved awkwardly and Jeremy could relate. He was pretty awkward himself. Especially any time it wasn’t just him and Michael, who he was most comfortable around.

“Jeremy. Come on, my friend Michael is waiting for me to come over. He lives about three houses that way.” He said and walked out the door giving Heidi a small wave and smile before grabbing Evans arm that wasn’t hurt and leading him down the street.

He pulled out his phone once Evan was walking at a pace that he was pleased with.

To Player 2  
New kid is coming with me. His mom and my dad are making kissy faces at each other. Saving us both from some time on the couch later in life.

He didn’t get an answer before he pushed Michael’s front door open.

Evan’s eyes went wide, “Should-Shouldn’t we knock first Jeremy-“

“I practically live here dude, plus he can’t hear me downstairs. His room is in the basement and his mom is at work.”

When they got to the basement it wasn’t hard to smell the smoke.

Evan placed his free hand over his nose, “Ugh- wh-what’s that smell? I mean. I’m not trying to be mean. I just know that normally things on fire smell like that. And It kind of smells like a plant of some sort. Like a tree. Because plants and live trees give off a really smoky smell, obviously-“

“Pot. Michael’s smoking pot.” Jeremy cut off the stuttering teen figuring he was probably close to ending his sentence anyways.

Evan’s eyes got even bigger, if that was possible, “He’s smoking pot! What if my mom smells it on me when I go home?”

Michael was laughing, “Just spray your clothes with my many, many cans of frebreze I have.” He stood up and walked over to Evan, who was shorter than both of them, “I’m Michael Mell, Zombie destroyer extraordinaire.” He wrapped an arm around Evan who visibly tried to shrink away from him.

“You’re weird Evan,” Jeremy said and plopped down on one of the beanbags. He grabbed the ashtray with half of a lit blunt in it and pressed it to his lips taking a long hit. When he exhaled he already felt better.

Michael had brought Evan over to sit with them. He looked like he didn’t want to be there.

“Evan, have you ever smoked pot before?” he asked and grabbed the blunt from Jeremy’s hand passing it to Evan, as if he would grab it.

“Dude, I don’t think he wants it,” Jeremy said and leaned back, “I think he’s against it.”

Evan finally managed to stutter out, “We-well it is illegal! It-It could get us in a lot of trouble!”

Michael laughed, “Evan, listen, buddy, friend, pal, I’ve been smoking pot in this basement since a few months before I turned 16. We haven’t ever gotten caught, and neither of us have thought we could fly or were invincible or anything that could kill us.”

“It-It’s still illegal!” He said and ducked away from Michaels hand which was about to go around his shoulders again.

“Okay, okay, maybe we can just play video games until you have to go home.” Jeremy said.

Evan raised his broken arm in answer and Michael slapped a hand over his face, “Oh, jesus fucking Christ, Jeremy! He can’t play video games, and won’t smoke pot! The most boring person in the world moved in next door to you.”

“Thanks,” Evan frowned and pulled his knees to his chest.

Jeremy rolled his eyes and patted his shoulder, “Ignore him, his filter is off when he’s high.”


	2. Chapter 2

Evan honestly dreaded the first day of school. Sitting at lunch alone was his least favorite thing at his old school. People would stare at him, as if they were going to ask him if he needed someone to sit with. Then they would walk away, as if it never happened. Head bowed, silence encircling him like he was a magnet. He hated it. He felt like each day he was closer and closer to disappearing. His fingers had traced over his cast recently. It was blank and normally kids would be lining up to sign each other's casts. Not Evan Hansen. Not the boy who worked at a national forest in the summer because he loved trees. 

 

Don’t get him wrong, the other day at Michaels was awesome. They laughed and had a great time. He didn’t know if that was due to a contact high from the two smoking enough to tranquilize a horse or if he actually enjoyed being around them. When he thought about it, he either had guilt eating at his stomach or he would smile hoping they would want to hang out with him again. 

 

Lunch time rolled around and Evan was so anxious he felt like he was going to stop breathing and he was going to pass out. That was until someone stood next to him at his locker. Long hair was covering their face and it seemed like they were kind of looking at him. Why would someone be looking at Evan though? He is boring. He is plain. He wears khakis for christ’s sake. When he shut his locker he made eye contact with the person. He was met with blue eyes and a sad sunken in face. Sad, but interesting. 

 

“Why are you staring at me? Is there something on my face?” The guy shot him a glare and he tried his best to shake his head. The anxiety washing over him made it difficult. 

 

“N-No, I’m sorry I just didn’t realise you were there. I thought that maybe I was just seeing one of those weird shadow things out of the corner of my eye and I thought maybe I was going crazy.” He used his cast covered hand to imitate the cukoo motion towards his ear. “I’m sorry.” 

 

A small and almost unrecognizable smile flashed across this guys face and Evan got a weird feeling in his chest, “Hey, Maybe being Crazy isn’t all that bad.” He said and watched the nervous boy as he fidgeted even more, “You must be the new kid. Stefan Hansen-?”

 

“-ah, Evan. Evan Hansen,” He corrected but immediately apologized, “Sorry that was rude.” 

 

“I’m Connor, Evan, what happened to your arm?” He asked and let his hand rub the back of his neck. He normally wasn’t this good at talking to people. He liked Evan though. Something about him made Connor want to talk. 

 

“Uh, I. Don’t. I was working at an apple orchard with trees and stuff. Because I kind of really like trees. I was climbing up this forty foot tree and fell and landed on my arm.” Evan had always been someone that used his hands to communicate. It wasn’t any different with the cast that encased his arm. 

 

“If that isn’t the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever seen,” Connor snickered and shut his own locker swinging his messenger bag over his body holding the strap that lay across his chest in both his hands, “Why don’t you come to the library with me? As long as you don’t have anyone to sit with. 

 

If Evan hadn’t been taken back by Connor saying he was the saddest thing he’d ever seen he would have answered quicker. His brain bouncing back and forth between the two things that had come in too quick of a succession caused the stutter to make it’s appearance again, “I mean- ye-yeah to-t-otally. I don’t really have anyone else to sit with, s-so that would be nice.” 

 

Someone wanted to sit with Evan. His heart was pounding at the thought and he felt like he couldn’t move. He did though. He followed Connor wordlessly until they sat at a table behind the fiction section. Not his usual hang out spot in the library, but it looked like it was practically home to Connor. He kicked his feet up on the table and leaned back in his chair. 

 

“ _ Wait”  _ Connor sat up suddenly and was staring at Evan with serious eyes. 

 

_ Oh shit. _ This was it. Connor was going to tell him to fuck off and find somewhere else to sit. He would have to saunter to the cafeteria and hope and pray the whole way there that maybe Michael and Jeremy would let him sit with them.

 

Connor grabbed Evans arm and pulled his cast close, not extremely hard, but enough for Evan to wince in pain, “No one’s signed your cast. Why?” 

 

Evan shook his head, “I-I dunno. I don’t really have too many friends. Plus it happened over the summer so I haven’t seen anyone-”

 

“Do you have a sharpie, I can sign it.” He asked and stuck his hand out. 

 

Evan shook his head even faster this time, “No, No you don’t have to, I promise. It’s okay” 

 

Connor rolled his eyes, “Just give me a fucking sharpie you weirdo.”

 

It was definitely weird that Evan was able to produce a sharpie out of his pocket like he had been waiting for someone to ask him to sign his cast. Connor didn’t really mention it though. 

 

In large capital letters Connor wrote his name, taking up most of the space on Evan’s cast. He didn’t say anything because he was honestly to happy to think about the fact that no one else could sign even if they wanted to. 

 

“There. Now we can both pretend like we have friends.” 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Yo, Evan, Where the hell were you at lunch?” Michael had his headphones hooked around his neck and Bob Marley could be heard from at least five feet away. 

 

Jeremy was following behind him, “Yeah! We came and looked for you here so you could sit with us-”

 

“Holy Shit dude, Connor Murphy signed your cast.”

 

Jeremy almost choked on air, “Why the FUCK did Connor Murphy sign your cast?”

 

Evan shrugged and wrapped his arms around himself defensively, “So we could both pretend we had friends. He gave me his number as well and told me to text him if I ever needed anything.”

 

Michael snorted and wrapped his arm around Evan, leading him to their next class they all had together, “Listen, Ev. I don’t think making weird heart eyes at you, signing your cast, and asking for your number is just ‘pretending’ to have friends.”

 

Jeremy nodded in agreement, “Yeah man, It sounds like Connor might have something else up his sleeve if you know what I mean,” he elbowed Evans side and had a ice cold glare shot his way. 

 

“Shut up,” Evan sighed out and covered his face with his hands.

 

Both Michael and Jeremy began laughing at him and all he wanted to do was hide away. 


	3. Connor Murphy is trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor, Evan, Jeremy, and Michael are hanging out and Michael and Connor decide to get stoned in the basement.  
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> I'm thinking of going a bit more in depth of Connors point of view and how he is feeling in the next chapter.

“Jeremy!! You home dude?”

 

Michael was already on his way up the stairs to Jeremy’s room. He practically lived in the house anyways and it wasn’t like anyone was home. Jeremy’s dad was at Heidi’s. Again. 

 

“Dad’s been at Heidi’s all day. I’m almost positive something weird is going on there.” Jeremy couldn’t shake the weird feeling. He looked around his room and noticed Evan was in his room looking across the fence into Jeremy’s room. 

 

Michael had sat on the bed by this time and was laid back, headphones on and his music loud as could be. He wasn’t paying attention to Jeremy which was a shocker for once. 

 

Jeremy strode across his room and opened the window leaning out a bit. Evan did the same noticing that Jeremy seemed to want to talk. 

 

“Evan, dude, what is my dad doing at your house. AGAIN,” he asked and leaned on his elbow on the windowsill. He held his cheek in his palm as he looked over at the awkward boy.

 

Evan shrugged and sighed, “Who knows? I have been trying to get outside all day! Connor was supposed to come over, but. But they were still here and I thought mom would be going to work and I wouldn’t have to worry about her meeting Connor because that would be kind of weird you know? Friends for less than a wEEK and your mom meets your friend?”

 

Jeremy let him go, knowing he had a lot of pent up anxiety about the situation, “So,” he began when Evan was done, “you have been waiting to invite Connor over all day?” 

 

They had vaguely talked about the Connor situation. This was the first non-default friend he had ever had. Evan was friends with Jeremy and Michael because they were the ones who showed him around. That’s not a bad thing, but it’s good to have a friend you made on your own. Besides, Jeremy and Michael were losers compared to Connor Murphy. 

 

Evan’s face turned a deep shade of red and he held his finger up to his lips, like it meant something. No one would really be paying attention to them. 

 

“Anyways, invite Connor over and you guys can just come over here? Sneak out the back door and come in our back door. Then it will just look like Connor came to hang out with me and Michae-”

 

“Connor freaking Murphy, Coming to hang out with us? Oh, that’s so believable Jere’! You’re doing such a good job at keeping things on the down low for our buddy Evan!” Michael was being a smart ass. That wasn’t anything new. 

 

Jeremy punched him in the arm, “Oh, shut the hell up and put your headphones back on.” 

 

Michael held the bridge of his nose, “Connor Murphy is the guy that is supposed to beat us up! Not hang out with this Jere’. You are completely forgetting what the food chain is like at our school. It would be like Rich and I playing video games together. UNLIKELY.”

 

“Okay, both you and Evan need to shut the fuck up. Evan,” Jeremy leaned a bit further out the window, “Call Connor. Give him instructions Michaels house. Then we can come get you and then we all go to Michaels, play video games and just hang out in the basement.”

 

Michael shot him a look that said, ‘When did I volunteer to let us use my basement?’

 

Jeremy gave him pleading eyes. He knew this was important to Evan. Considering how lonely Evan had been when he arrived. Jeremy needed to do this to make things easier on him. 

 

“Connor fucking Murphy. Connor Murphy, the one that threw a printer at your second grade teacher because he wasn’t line leader.” Michael had began pacing, “You want him to come to my H O U S E. What if he throws a brick at us or something?”

 

Jeremy placed his hands on Michaels shoulders and looked him in the eyes, “Please, you’ve seen how happy Connor has made Evan this week. The kid just moved here and has no one besides us and Connor Murphy. We have to at least help him keep what makes him happy.”

 

Michael grunted and ran his fingers through his hair, tugging anxiously, “AGh! Fine. But only because I’m a good person! And I can smoke while I’m at my house!” 

 

Jeremy smiled and quickly wrapped his arms around Michael's torso, “You are my favorite person!!!”

 

There was a smirk that could be heard in Michael's voice, “I’m your favowite pewson?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Michael was anxiously pulling at the sleeve of his sweatshirt. There was a loose thread and it was occupying his attention as the three walked up to his house. 

 

“Y-you guys think that he actually wants to be my friend. When he signed my cast he said, ‘now we can b-both pretend to have friends.” Evan’s hands were moving and he was tugging at his hair and every loose article on him, “I’m not freaking out because it’s not like it matter you know! It’s like he’s just a guy that goes to school with us but he is actually really nice.” 

 

Jeremy had blocked it out and was just slowly nodding and smiling like he heard every word Evan was saying. Which was a complete lie. 

When they walked up the sidewalk to Michael’s house Connor was sitting on the front porch step. His long legs sticking out to the side and his knees pressed together. He looked awkward and long, much like Jeremy, but more edgy? Jeremy kind of just looked like an awkward toddler. 

 

Evan smiled wide and walked up to him, “Hey Connor, I’m glad you could come over!”

 

Connor nodded slowly and stood up looking at the other two, “Yeah, so this is Jeremy and Michael?” He watched them through messy long hair that wouldn’t behave itself. 

 

“Yeah this is Michael’s house! He said we could play video games and hang out here as long as you are okay with it?” Here came the anxious chatter. Hair pulling and fabric picking. His fingers were twitching and Michael had decided to unlock the door while Evan was doing what he was doing. 

 

Connor and Jeremy both noticed the obvious distress and before Jeremy decided he would do something about it Connor stepped in and wrapped his arm around Evan. It was like he almost immediately shut up and just let Connor comfort him. 

 

“You apologize so much Ev,” Connor walked inside with him kept close, “If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be here. I promise you that.”

 

It didn’t exactly make Evan feel better, but it made him feel something. 

 

In the Basement Jeremy and Evan were playing video games and Michael was sat on his knees and had a shoe box in his lap. Jeremy knew it as the box he kept all of his weed in. 

 

“Michael, can you go one day without smoking a joint?” Jeremy was leaning to the right to try and hit Evan’s elbow so it would mess him up and he would wreck his kart.

 

Connor seemed to pay attention a bit better from his spot on the couch, “Joint?”

 

Michael looked at Connor, “Yeah, it’s some pretty good stuff if you wanna try it.” He patted the spot next to him on the floor. Connor lifted himself from the couch and sat next to Michael with his knees pulled to his chest. 

 

“Jere’ Bear. Evan, do you guys wanna smoke some or will it just be me and Connor?” Michael pulled out the cigarillo grape flavored packet with two joints in it. He opened it and pulled one out before resealing it and putting it back in the shoe box.

 

Evan gasped and quit paying attention to the intense game of Mariokart he and Jeremy were playing, “My mother would kill me if she found out I smoked weed! I’ve told you this before Michael.” 

 

Jeremy laughed a bit, “I’m good Michael.” 

 

Connor shrugged and smiled a bit, “More for us then?”

 

Connor may not have seemed too happy. He was trying his best though. All he wanted was to make this friendship with Evan work. Evan was the first person who didn’t really see him as a freak or a weirdo. He knew that Jeremy and Michael questioned his motives. Evan though, didn’t even question a thing about him. He sat with him at lunch just because he had asked and seemed like a really cool guy. Not cool, but regardless, Connor was trying his best and the medicine in his system mixed with the weed he was about to smoke with Michael, he was going to feel extremely chill. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	4. You oughta' head for the exit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan and Connor have time alone. Connor warns Evan about who he is as a person. Evan doesn't seem to take the warning seriously.
> 
> TW: self harm mention. Self harm scars.

_Dear Evan Hansen_

_Today you got to hang out with Connor, Michael, and Jeremy. They all seem to like you. Or at least they pretend to like you. Turns out. Maybe this will be a good day. Maybe it could be a good week. Even a good year? Who knows It's hard to tell. Connor seems to act differently around others than he does around you. Not in a bad way at all. More like maybe he likes you more than others._

_That would be stupid though. I mean why would he like you more than he likes others. Your hands get strangely sweaty. Not to mention you stutter constantly around him. Also you ramble like there's no tomorrow. Also sometimes you don't think before you speak which could be a bad thing considering you don't usually say good things._

_Anyways._

_Keep trying your best._

_Sincerely,_

_Me._

Evan's phone dinged several times.

 

> From: Connor M.
> 
> **_Can I come over??????_ **
> 
> **_I'm going to punch my dad in the fucking throat if I don't get out of here soon._ **
> 
> **_and don't use ur mom being home as an excuse this time_ **
> 
> **_i don't care if i have to meet her_ **
> 
> **_i need to get out of here, ev._ **
> 
>  

_How could he say no to that?_  He couldn't 

 

 

> To: Connor M.
> 
> **_sure, of course you can_ **
> 
> **_just give me about 5 minutes to tell her_ **
> 
> **_im sure she will be okay with it_ **

Evan ran downstairs and almost tripped on the second step from the bottom, "Hey! Mom?" He called out and looked around the bottom floor of the house. Of course she would be in the last room he looked in, "Mom. Can my friend C-Connor come over?"

The look on Heidi's face told Evan that she was surprised by the fact her son had a friend other than the two boys she had forced him to hang out with, "Well, I- Of-Really?"

Evan sighed and slapped his hand to his face pointing his head to the ground, "Yes, m-mom I have a friend other than Jeremy and Michael! Now, can he come over? He really needs to get out-out of the house..."

Heidi turned a shade of pink realizing what she said probably hurt Evan's feelings, "I'm so sorry I said that honey. Of course he can. Totally!"

Evan sighed and pulled out his Phone fingers tapping quickly. 

 

> To: Connor M.
> 
> **_Come on over if you aren't already on your way._ **
> 
>  

Evan didn't get an answer back, but the doorbell rang and he made eye contact with his mom who had a glint in her eye. Heidi stood up and jumped over the back of the couch to try and get to the door before Evan. He gasped and ran after her practically drifting around the corner as he made it a bit in front of her. He wasn't fast enough as she opened the door and Evan had to stop a few feet behind her to catch his breath. 

"Oh hello! You must be Connor. Evan has told me so much about you!"  _That was a lie. Evan hadn't told her anything._

Connor had a shy look on his face but he nodded, "Yeah, it's nice to meet you Ms. Hansen."

 

“Oh it’s great to meet you Connor. Do you like Pizza? We we’re going to order for dinner.” 

 

Connor seemed a bit uncomfortable, but nothing terrible, “Yeah I do..”

 

“Well what would you like on it?” She asked. At this point 

 

Evan was standin next to her giving Connor an apologetic look.  Evan stepped forward, “Don’t bombard him mom. We’re gonna go up to my room.”

 

Evan grabbed Connor's hand and pulled it to his side as he led him up the stairs. He sighed and stared at the ground.

 

Heidi stood at the bottom of the steps and looked up at them, “Okay! Well, I’m going to order the Pizza for dinner! I’ll call you guys down when it’s her-” Evan’s bedroom door slammed shut, “and you aren’t listening to me. Okay. Cool. I can just hang out down here by myself!”

 

Evan didn’t hear a word she said. He looked up at Connor, “I’m so sorry. I tried to tell her beforehand not to bombard you. She is so annoying sometimes.” He sat on his bed and Connor plopped down, laying on the bed legs over the side of the twin size bed. 

 

“Evan, you seriously freak out too much over this. It’s okay.” Connor sounded sincere. Evan had bad judgement though.

 

“It’s just.. We’ve barely been friends for a month and I didn’t think you would like it to be treated weird by her. She treats me like that but It’s because she worries. I don’t want you to think that she is worried about you. She just is really nosy about everything. She is super overprotective of me too. “ Evan totally wasn’t freaking out right now. He totally didn’t have his fingers threaded in his hair pulling hard and pulling at the hem of his shirt. 

 

Connor put his hand over Evans mouth and pulled him to lay back on the bed next to him, “Take a deep breath when I pull my hand away. Close your eyes.” He said and pulled his hand away, “Don’t talk except count backwards from ten out loud. Take a deep breath in between. 

 

“I don’t see how that’s going to help-”

 

Connor put his hand back over Evan’s mouth, “Shut up and do what I said.”

 

Evan obeyed this time. 

 

“Ten..”

 

‘This is in no way going to work.’ He thought during the inhale and exhale.

 

“Nine.”

 

Breathe.

 

“Eight”

 

Relax.

 

“Seven.”

 

“Good Job Evan.”

 

By the time he had gotten to 1 his breathing had laboured and he opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling, “I just didn’t want to overwhelm you.” 

 

Connor laughed softly, “You couldn’t overwhelm me Evan. I really like you-”

 

“Oh?” Evan murmured and turned his head to look at Connor. 

 

“Yeah.” He said. 

Evan sighed and carded his fingers in his own hair again, not pulling. Just sort of brushing out the stress induced knots, “I really like being around you too Connor. You make me feel really different than I’ve ever felt.” 

 

Connor looked out of the corner of his eye at him and then closed his eyes. Hands behind his head, “That’s Gay Evan.” 

 

“Well I am.” It sort of slipped out. Like word vomit. It wasn’t unusual for Evan to throw up the words he had in his head. He sat up and slapped his hand over his mouth. 

 

“Holy shit. Hansen, you’re gay?” Connor had sat up and was staring at Evan, mouth open wide. 

 

Evan just nodded slowly and looked down at his knees, “It’s not th-th-that big of a deal. I-I-I mean it’s just always been kind of obvious t-to me.” 

 

Connors heart sank to the ground. Evan looked extremely uncomfortable like he didn’t want to be in the situation. He wrapped his arms around Evan and pulled him into an embrace, “No. I didn’t mean to be so surprised. I just didn’t expect that I think. I don’t have problem with it. I’m kind of gay as hell myself. I mean why do you think everyone whispers about me.” 

 

Unexpectedly, Evan buried his face in Connors chest and he could feel hot wet tears drip through the fabric of his shirt and hoodie, “I thought it was because you w-were kind of sc-scary.” Evan whimpered into the shirt and it was muffled. 

 

If that hadn’t been so cute Connor would have been a bit offended, “I mean. How scary can a crazy kid with painted fingernails be Evan?”

 

He shrugged and stayed where he was, “I dunno. J-Jeremy told me y-you threw a printer at a teacher in 2nd grade though.” He mumbled into his shirt still lightly sniffling. 

 

Connor laughed this time and let his fingers run through Evan’s hair, “Yeah, I get that  could probably make you think I was scary. I’m not though. I just need a lot of reassurance and attention.”

 

Evan looked up at him through thick, wet lashes, “I need a lot of attention too. I also need reassurance. Maybe we can give each other that.” 

 

Connor gave a weak smile, “Of course we can Ev, now, dry up those tears. I don’t want your mom thinking I’m bullying you.” Connor placed his hand on the side of Evan’s face running his thumb over his chubby tear stained cheeks. 

 

Evan sniffled and nodded sitting up completely, “O-okay.” 

 

“My hoodie is wet from all your crying Evan.” He said and touched the front of it. 

 

Evan was a blabbering apologizing mess, “I’m so sorry. Why don’t you take it off. I can have mom wash it for you.” 

 

Connor rolled his eyes and laughed, “No. I’m going to take it off though. As long as you promise not to like. Freak out on me?”

 

“W-Wha- do you mean Connor, I don’t-”

 

Connor shed his hoodie and Evan’s question was answered. Red angry scars littered his otherwise pale and clear skin. He crossed his arms and looked down trying to keep himself calm.

 

Evan shook his head and scooted over, pulling Connor into his embrace this time, “It’s okay Connor. Don’t worry.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo, yo, yo maybe angsty?????? 
> 
> i was listening to my fav punk playlist while writing this so fair warning. 
> 
> also if you are interested in seeing my trash art on tumblr it's connormurphyys.tumblr.com


	5. I am drowning. There is no sign of land.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy and Evan get a bomb dropped on them. Neither of them are happy about it.

5 Months later.

 

Jeremy’s day had started off rather normal. He fought the cold coming from his window draft never once considering to tell his dad about it. Sure, he was cold, but he found comfort in the cold air that would surround him every time he got out of bed. He went downstairs to see Heidi Hansen in his kitchen making chocolate chip pancakes. This definitely wasn’t a rare occurrence. It also wasn’t that weird to see Evan walking in the door without knocking. 

 

See, Kim and Heidi had been dating for quite some time. Well at least since a month after Evan got adjusted to his new life and schedule. His medicine seemed to assist in the change. Jeremy was simply along for the ride. He hadn’t seemed to have any issues with what was going on. At least he didn’t let it show that he had any issues. 

 

“Good Morning Jeremy, Good Morning Evan! Kim and I were just about to round you two up for breakfast! He should be here soon.” Heidi plated the food and the two teenage boys sat down at the breakfast nook on the tall stools. She sat food and utensils in front of the both of them. 

 

Jeremy looked at Evan once she turned away and his face read, “What the fuck is she doing?”

 

Evan just shrugged and held his cast in his lap. After Connor had signed it, Jeremy and Michael both did as well, smaller than Connor, but their names were still there.

 

“Good morning Jeremy, Evan.” Kim walked in looking as though he was ready for work. He had an untied tie around his neck. 

 

Heidi looked at him and clasped her hands tight together giving a look that Jeremy was used to getting from Evan. She looked over at Kim who simply nodded to her. 

 

“Boys.. We have-”

 

“Something to tell you.” Kim finished her sentence noticing she seemed a bit nervous. 

 

Jeremy’s eyes turned to thin slits as he looked between the two adults who looked like they were trying to lie in the supreme court. 

 

“Jeremy, Evan,” she started and gave an awkward smile, “Kim and I are..” 

 

Kim wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to him, “We’re getting Married!”

 

Evan’s mouth fell open and he didn’t seem as pissed off as Jeremy was. He looked over and laughed nervously, “That’s, That’s??”

Evan was used to Jeremy being able to guess what he was going to say and helping along.

 

Jeremy’s face had fallen and he stood up, “That’s fuckin’ stupid!” He roughly shoved his chair under the breakfast bar.

 

It was like everyone in the room had sucked in a sharp breath. His face was red and Evan looked like he was going to have a heart attack. Evan’s heart was definitely racing faster than it had before. He was picking at his cast and looked like he couldn’t form words or thoughts or anything.

 

“Jeremiah, you are definitely overreacting.” Kim had dropped his arm from around Heidi and walked towards Jeremy.

  
  


Jeremy laughed and shook his head, “I’m not overreacting. This. Is. Fuckin’. Stupid.”

 

Evan dropped his head between his knees and looked at the floor, “Oh my god I’m gonna throw up.”

  
  


Evan stared at Jeremy like he had just found the solution to an old riddle that not even the most intelligent person could figure out. He was in full body shakes and felt like he couldn’t move. 

 

Jeremy was out of the room before anyone could say another word to him. He took the stairs two at a time and slammed his bedroom door shut sitting down on his bed. He glared at the wall and felt tears welling up in his eyes. He swiped his arm across his eyes to keep from more tears forming and falling, “fucking..stupid….” he muttered.

 

Back in the kitchen, Evan was trying his best to stutter out an answer, “I don’t- I-I-I what do you mean?” Hair pulling, shit tugging, shaking hands, red face, tears welling up. All signs of Evan’s oncoming panic attack.

 

Heidi noticed the distress and walked over to him, “Evan sweetie. I’m so sorry I don’t mean to upset you or Jeremy. This is going to make us happy though.”

 

Evan shook his head, “Ho-How. How could you do this?”

 

Heidi looked taken back by what he said, “Evan… I”

 

Evan stood up this time, “W-W-We move away. T-To get away from Dad. S-So that he doesn’t have to deal w-with me asking him to come to family the-therapy. And he doesn’t have to deal with-with how messed up I am. Now! Now you’re dragging someone else into how messed up I am.” 

His mom watched, shocked, “Evan honey, that’s not why we came here,” 

 

“You’re right mom! We didn’t come here because of that. We came here because of this. Because of my arm!” He raised the cast up. He was finally mad. He was mad about it, “We came here because I’m too fucked up for anyone to deal with back home. Now, you’re dragging him into it!”

 

Evan walked out of the room and headed up the stairs. 

 

Jeremy’s hands were shaking as he quickly pulled out his phone and quickly went to Michael’s contact ‘Player 1’. He hit the call button and waited tapping his foot on the ground trying his best to calm down before he picked up. 

 

“Hello, Jere’ what’s going on?” Michael sounded a bit tired like maybe Jeremy had woken him up. He really couldn’t care any less right now. He needed to talk to his best friend. He needed to see his best friend. Hell, he needed a hug from his best friend. 

 

He cleared his throat and sniffled, “I need to come over now. I just need to come over- and-an-and like lay down and -I-I-I need silence.” He was stuttering. He knew it was annoying but he only really did it when he was upset or anxious. He let his fingers dig into his thigh as if he were trying to punish himself for stuttering. He felt overwhelmed and needed to get out of the house. 

 

Michael got serious and didn’t seem to be in a joking mood, “Course, Jere’ Bear. I just planned on staying in my pajamas all day anyways. Why don’t you come over and lay down. Maybe later when you feel up to it we can watch a movie. Do you need me to come get you?”

 

Jeremy felt relieved to have a friend who was ready to jump and do what was needed to help him feel better, “N-No. I’m gonna have to sneak out. I should be there in less than 10 minutes.”

 

He heard someone walking up the steps and he quickly hung up on Michael. He stood up and walked to his door flicking the lock on it so no one could walk in. He heard a knock.

 

“Jeremy, It’s Evan. Can I. Can I come in?

 

Jeremy sighed and flicked the lock once again so Evan could come in, “Yeah. For a minute. I’m about to leave though.”

 

Evan walked in and sat down, shutting the bedroom door behind him and sitting down on the bed, “I can’t believe this.” 

 

Jeremy rolled his eyes, “It’s funny. Mom left and Dad turned into a whole new person. He practically didn’t want anything to do with me. These last two years of school have been completely miserable. Now, someone wants to step in and play the mom card. It’s absolutely fucking ridiculous.”

 

Evan blinked nervously and his eye twitched, “Trust me- I-I-I know.  My dad left when I was 7, but he lived down the road from us. He had a family, he had kids and a wife. He was a dad to them. He didn’t want me though. For some reason, he didn’t want me at all.”

 

Jeremy looked at him and his eyes widened.

 

“He would go to their basketball games, their school plays. Parent teacher day. It was always my mom who had to fight between work and things I had going on at school. Then the anxiety and depression. I ended up having to be medicated and-”

 

“Evan I’m so sorry. I didn’t kno-”

 

Evan shook his head and frowned, “That’s not the point. The point is that I’m messed up. I’m really, really messed up. He doesn’t need to be subjected to this. It’s selfish of my mother to think he needs me put on his plate.”

 

“Okay, well. What can we do? It’s not like we can stop it. All we are going to do is sit here and fucking mope about it.”

 

Evan sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, “M-Maybe… I dunno. I really don’t. I just don’t want to be here right now. I don’t want to be around them. I think I’m going to Connors.”

 

Jeremy nodded and picked up his phone and his backpack he always had stashed with clothes and things he would need to stay the night with someone. He wanted to be prepared if he didn’t want to come home and be around them tonight. 

 

“I’m going to Michaels. I just really need to see him right now.” 

 

“Do you want me t-to go too?” Evan asked and stood back up. 

 

“No, I just need time with my best friend, alone.” He pushed past Evan and left the room running down the stairs. When he got to the bottom he quieted down and noticed that Heidi and Kim were still in the kitchen talking. He stopped at the table beside the front door and wrote on a sticky note, “Going to Michaels. Will call you later. Sorry…”

 

He left and shut the door quietly before making his way down the street as far away from the Hansen’s and his house as he could. He rounded the corner and within 5 minutes he was walking in Michaels front door. No one was in the driveway which meant that Michael was home alone. He was probably still laying in bed too. He kicked his shoes off at the front door and walked down the steps to the basement. He saw Michaels frameless mattress and box spring that was covered in lots of soft blankets and pillows. He saw Michaels sleeping form, hugging a pillow to his chest and he smiled to himself seeing the pot leaf print boxers under the hem of his hoodie. 

 

Jeremy sighed and dropped his backpack on the floor next to the bed and just laid on his stomach next to Michael. He sighed and let his head rest on the pillow next to his best friend. 

One of Michaels eyes cracked open and he wasn’t too surprised to see Jeremy next to him. He smiled a bit and moved the pillow that was separating them, “Hey buddy, how’s it hangin?”

 

Jeremy sighed and looked up at him through his messy mop of hair, “I can’t wait for you to meet my new step brother…”

 

“Heh. That’s funny Jere’, what do you mean?”

 

“I can’t wait for you to meet my new step brother. Evan Hansen.” The tears started to form in his eyes and he felt his chest tighten up.

 

Michael sat up and practically dragged Jeremy into his lap. He wrapped his arms around the crying boy, playing with his hair and doing his best to calm him, “Oh Jere’, did they just drop it on you? Why are you crying?”

 

Jeremy shook his head and buried his face in Michael's chest shaking slightly. It was like he was being forced to take all this information in at once. He was shaking worse now.

 

“Jere’ come on, tell me what’s wrong. Are you mad? Are you upset? What did Evan say. What did you say? You didn’t get yourself into trouble did you?”

 

Jeremy shook his head and pulled about a foot away from Michael, looking up at him, “I feel like I am drowning Michael.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Another user I was able to write this chapter a bit more in character and help the story move along!!!


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